stillness

Chapter two is all about silence.
I'm only part way through it, but it's hard to be still, to be truly silent. As the book says, our heads are full of noise.

So tonight, as it's the first day of spring and the clocks have gone forward, I stoked up our chiminea for the first time and sat out in the dark for a bit of still time.

There's a lot of light pollution round here, and it's a bit cloudy for star-gazing, but it was good to sit and listen - to distant buses pulling up and drawing away; twice, a train (even though the nearest line is a long way away i think); the crackle, spit and flutter of the fire; next door's bath filling and then emptying a short while later; the breeze rustling the edges of bin liners full of garden cuttings...

It's hard to be mentally still though - the thoughts keep springing up; everything from work, to family to the England football team and their latest failures... but i like what the abbot says in the book; you have to persevere; it's like pulling up weeds in a garden, you have to keep on top of it while the plants grow. So this has been a good beginning - me and some burning wood and the traffic noise...

Si

Busy-ness

So we've decided to read this book, 'finding sanctuary' by Abbot Christopher Jamieson (from the 'Monastery' tv documentary).
We're doing a chapter a fortnight, and meeting to discuss the issues arising... a bit like a book group, only far more spiritual, obviously ;-)

Chapter one is about busy-ness. And the idea that we are sold out to the idea of consumption - earn more, buy more, have more, consume more, work more to earn more to buy more etc etc. But this is a choice. We choose to be busy and we can choose to opt out and live counter-culturally, to reject the consumerist mindset and do less.

I am struggling with this. I know that he's right, and I can't disagree with any of the things said in the chapter. But my gut instinct and my mindset is to be busy, to make stuff to do, to have stuff going on. On top of this we have a mortgage that requires me to be earning.

When we first came to Leeds, there was a Revive event where we were asked to pray and think about our calling. I asked god what he wanted me to do, and the answer came back very clearly that it wasn't about doing, but being - being a dad and a husband, primarily. I have to confess that I've not really been very good at that - my drive to do stuff is very strong. But it's something that I need to struggle with a bit more I think.

And what I love about the book is that it's refreshingly honest - "you will, of course fail... but failing is quite different from not even trying." So here's the process that I need to engage with - to begin to be more and do less, to downsize my consumerist aspirations and live more simply...

Si