What am I thinking?

Hmmm ... must say I'm having a hard time thinking which I think is partly James' fault (grrr) as he just looked over at what I'd written and said a few things to me about what this blog is for. Apparently his comments were for info purposes only, but to me, they felt prescriptive and restrictive and constricting. It wasn't info I asked for, and it was info that actually made me delete what I'd blogged so far.

But now I can wonder why I'm so cross and blog about that! Woohoo.

Well, I'm big into giving (and getting) space and time and freedom. When someone is writing a song, or an email, or a letter, or blogging, or sketching, or painting, or doing creating anything at all, I think it's important for them to have room to try things out and enjoy the process and learn.

I hate it when people squash creativity. And I really hate it when people try to exert control over others with their judgements and prescriptions (intended or no) ... I mean, who is anyone to judge anyone else (tying in with last night's discussion, and when churches go the route of prescription, legalism, and condemnation)? Why do people play God?

I LOVE, I really really deep heart love God and the incredible freedoms available in God. It resonates right down to my toes and into my inmost being, that I've got an awesome God, LOVE herself, and that LOVE created the universe and everything in it, and it's the sort of LOVE that blows away all feeble attempts to confine and define it. It's a LOVE that invites questions and neverending growing and creating, stumbling and learning, joying and enjoying, repenting and changing, and having deepest needs and longings satisfied ... water for the thirsty, food for the hungry, shelter for the vulnerable, encouragement for the disheartened, comfort for the distressed.

It's a LOVE that teaches giving up striving, that growing can be as easy as a seed germinating and naturally stretching towards the light. It teaches that we don't need to strive, we simply need to surrender, and let our souls do what they were created to do ... seek and find and commune with the Creator, ...

It's easy because it is not by our own exertions that we reach God ... in fact, it's the opposite. It's by laying aside our exertions and owning up to the fact that it's all God, ...

Why do I get so caught up in my own little plans then, and not take the time to really rest and glide with LOVE dwelling in the picture of my NOW? I don't know. I suppose I succumb too often to the temptation to play God over my own life. The very thing that makes me so cross when people do it to others, I do to myself. Ouch.

It is my Will that fights to control, to figure out, to make its own provisions, and it's this fighting impulse to overthrow or ignore God that makes it so difficult to do what is so easy. It is my human nature fighting my spiritual nature. And it seems the only way to reconcile the two is to surrender one to the other.

For me, praying in the Spirit (otherwise known as praying in tongues) as I go about my daily business helps. I've fallen out of the habit (dunno if I ever was consistent enough to say I ever was in the habit, in fact) of morning/night prayers. Must remember tonight ... please pray for me, guys, if you remember ... and I'll pray for you ...