understanding

we've been using this prayer for quite a while now -

god be in my head and in my understanding
god be in my eyes and in my looking
god be in my mouth and in my speaking
god be in my heart and in my thinking
god be at my end and at my departing

i start my day with it - since the weather's been a bit warmer i've got into a nice groove of sitting out side with a coffee before i start work and practicing a bit of silence and solitude. it's good.

it's a simple enough prayer, but there's real depths to explore in there. i feel like i'm learning over and over that prayer is not so much about me petitioning god, but about god seeking and awakening things out in me...

at different times different lines in the prayer strike a chord, different things leap out at me, or at least they'll shift fuzzily into a slightly clearer focus.

i was wondering at one point whether the prayer works sequentially - eg until we begin to understand we don't know what we're looking at; or maybe the challenge gets tougher and deeper as you progress through the prayer (understanding is easier or at least more passive than looking, which is less challenging than speaking, with a revolution in your way of thinking being hardest of all...?)

anyhow.
today i'm thinking about understanding.
and i love this paradox that is opening up for me at the mo - the more that i come to understand of god, the more i realise how little of god i actually do understand.
maybe the metaphor of the journey is appropriate here - the further we travel, the more we realise how many other places there are to go.
i like that god is continually bigger and more surprising than my understanding of him/her.

so i like the idea of inviting god to be in my head, asking god to shape my understanding.
i like the idea that it's a process, i like that i'm learning, that i'm not the finished article, that i'm becoming who i was created to be.
i like that i can see that process going on in sue and the boys too, and that i'm a part of that (albeit a rather flawed one most of the time)
and i like that i can see god at work in your lives too, and i like that i can be part of your journey.


si